talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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