I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
