Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
