Christians are straight up FREAKS
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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