his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
