Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
