i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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