The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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