No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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