My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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