And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
