Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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