Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
