the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
