I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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