You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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