the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
