i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
