Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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