I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
