i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
