She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
