I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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