good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
