i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
