I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize