There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
