so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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