if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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