so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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