I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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