I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sobbing to NWA
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He shit in the fireplace
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
