Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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