im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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