So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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