I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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