Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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