i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
