last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
