Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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