I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
