Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
