Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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