Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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