Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
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Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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