bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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