There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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