I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
