He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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