I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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