Your face is a jimmy john
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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