I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
