you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
