Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
