Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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