Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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