I puked a lego.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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