I just pynch a tree in the face
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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