just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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