mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
