Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
