just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
pray to the hookup gods
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
